How to Find Your Motivation When You Have None

This post is going to be a little different than my normal content, but it’s something that’s really been on my heart. As Wives and Moms, we wear many hats. We cook, clean, take care of kids, do laundry, organize, work, you name it – we do it. Sometimes that can get really overwhelming and you just lose your motivation. The problem with this for us, if you are anything like me, is the guilt of that lack of motivation. That guilt is a real thing and it can be extremely hard to overcome. So, how do you find your motivation when you feel like you have none?

Here’s some backstory on me.

If you follow me on any social media platform, it’s no secret I struggle from anxiety. I have since I was a teenager. Fast forward to having kids. About 4 years ago, I made the decision to become a better version of myself. I wanted to do better as a Mom and Wife, and also become a more positive female role model for my daughter. That sent me into a journey of self growth and development, and what a journey that has been! I thought I had it in the bag, and for awhile I was good. However, if you struggle from anxiety at all, you know how it can come back with a vengeance at any time with no warning.

This past weekend was my 36th birthday and wow am I glad to be saying goodbye to 35.

This past year has been really hard, I’m sure many of you can relate to that. Being stuck inside, anxiety at an all time high, the walls closing in on you, and suddenly that overwhelming feeling becomes so loud you don’t know how to deal with it – so you don’t. That was me. I’m going to be really honest with you, there was a brief moment during quarantine that I was just frozen. I couldn’t find my motivation to do anything.

Trust me, I’m no stranger to that feeling.

So again, how do you find your motivation when you just feel like you have none?

First, let me just say… You don’t have to right away. Hear that again. You don’t have to find any kind of motivation right away. Key words being, right away. You are allowed to feel your feelings. You don’t have to be everything to everyone all of the time. Yes, you are a Wife. Yes, you are a Mom, but please don’t ever ever forget that you are also a human. Throw that guilt out, because you aren’t just a Wife or Mom. You are human. Humans aren’t supposed to be perfect and have their stuff together all of the time. That’s just not a thing. Let’s normalize that. If you take away anything from this post, I hope it’s that.

Listen, once you move on from that ideal then you can actually take some time to move through the overwhelming moments – guilt free. Watch your favorite tv show instead of doing the dishes, take a nap instead of doing the laundry, reschedule an appointment, feed the kids junk food for a day, whatever you have to do. Do it. All of those things do not make you a bad Wife or Mom. If anything it makes you a good one because if you don’t take care of yourself and your mental health, no one wins. Remember that.

Also, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talk to someone. Find a friend, a spouse, a therapist, a parent, etc. Talk about it, ask for help. Whether it’s just for advice or for them to watch your kids while you take time for you. You are not failing if you ask for help.

Here’s what not to do.

After you’ve taken your time, I’m sure the list of things you feel you need to do has piled up. Am I right? I know that exact feeling, but don’t let it overwhelm you again. If you do, then you live in this weird cycle that just keeps repeating itself and helps no one. This is something that I’ve actually learned from my husband. He’s so good at reminding me that nothing is as serious as I feel like it is. Everything can get done and will get done, in a matter of time.

Here’s what you should do instead.

Create a list with all of the tasks you’d like to complete, then take it one thing at a time. This will do a couple really good things for you. One, it will allow you to put tasks that are more time sensitive at the top and the tasks that are not as important at the bottom. Two, it will allow you to visually see yourself completing and getting those tasks done, and that should make you feel really good! When it does, make sure you tell yourself how well you are doing. Give yourself compliments. Be kind to yourself. Positive self talk is key to retraining your brain and overcoming the negative thoughts that lead to becoming unmotivated.

I know all of this is easier said than done. This does take practice and you won’t necessarily be good at it right away. One thing that has really helped me as I am learning to do this exact thing, is finding my internal phrase. It sounds silly I know, but just trust me! Find some phrase you love. A phrase that you can internally tell yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed, the dreaded Mom guilt, or that anxiety creeping in.

Do you want to know mine?

Again, I know it sounds silly but it does really help! When I start feeling any type of way, I internally repeat this to myself over and over until I can take a deep breath and re-evaluate. Everything is okay, even when I feel like it’s not.

Ultimately, how do you find your motivation when you feel like you have none?!

Realize that you don’t always have to have it! Give yourself that time to move through it. Talk about it, take a break, whatever works for you, and then move on taking it one task at a time. Always remember your mental health matters. How you feel about yourself, how you internally talk to yourself, and how you take care of yourself matters.

If you are reading this, know that you are not alone. Everyone probably feels this same way at one point or another. You are human, you do not need to be everything to everyone all of the time. You do not need to be “perfect”, you are perfect just the way you are. Dishes in the sink, messy bun, kids running around in dirty pjs, and all. The fact that you want to be a perfect, makes you the best for even caring enough.

You’ve got this Mama!